"Don't Make A Fuss, Just Get On The Bus" (you probably won't enjoy this post unless your name is Gary Meek, or you are German)

As I have mentioned before, I have a whole bunch of half-written blog entries just sitting in my drafts box, and I think it's time to put an end to this procrastination.  I was reading through my previous post before publishing it, and I was struck by a type of "vanagon fever".  I had promised that I would unearth a fraction of the enigmatic family that I hail from, so: here. we. GO!


Volkswagen, *sigh*.  Volkswagen might as well have been the 6th child in our family.  Maybe like some sort of a mystical sibling that everyone knows oh so well, and is yet embarrassed of, all at the same time.  'It' or 'Vinnie' as I will affectionately refer to, partook in all of the family vacations, and stood as an obstacle if it didn't want to take us there, or was having a bad day.  Bad day might be an understatement when you consider 'fig. A' below...


I first came to know the Volks as a teenager.  We quickly cultivated a love/hate relationship as these wheels were a source of my independence and freedom, but an independence that was shackled to humility.  In my own mind there are vivid pictures of Jettas, Passatts, Foxes, Golfs, Rabbits, and the infamous Vanagon (Westfalia).  I think we have had multiples of almost every single model except the most normal looking one: the Golf.  That being said, we drove that thing until the death.  I remember when the interior fabric on the roof was sagging down onto our heads, and the rear-view mirror fell off the windshield...but we just swatted that fabric off our 80's/90's hairstyles and held up the rear-view airborne mode if we wanted to switch lanes.  There was no way we were watching that baby retire.   

Let me introduce you to our fleet (or at least a few of our faves):

Affectionately known as "Sandy" or "the Nug" (short for the golden nugget).  It was touch and go with her for a few years, but luckily Gare was able to resurrect her back to life every time. 

This is a kind photo of our beloved Golf.  Unfortunately she didn't look quite this good...but not far off.  She was navy blue, and was born in 1984.  If I remember correctly she had a steady run of about 10+ years with us, and costed a mere $13/month to insure.  What a kick in the teeth, she was worth way more than that!

The Vanagon (1 of 7 that I can remember. In no particular order).  This orange beaut did some corn time in its early years.

This little gem should have been called 'double trouble' since we had 2 of these twinners goin at the same time.  Maybe we should have referred to them as "Toaster on Wheels A & B".  Just need to make sure everyone knows how AMAZING the heaters were in these babies.  Nothing like rollin deep in -30 degree centigrade winters in comfort.  (for those of you who cannot read the sarcasm, I apologize for the ambiguity of this medium of communication).

The "Roadie" or the "Roadster".  This people mover had the pleasure of taking Al and his band to their gig.  Or at least 3/4's of the way.  This is "Fig. A" I was referring to above.  I will pay respects as to how he died further down, if you are still reading and haven't raced over to Ebay to get your own.

The collectors edition "Chocolate Log" (collectors cuz I can see the snout of another VDUB at 10 o'clock).

Corn Van part deux.

"EuroVision": this stunner was shipped over to europe in '92-'93 for our year abroad.  She motored us through 9 countries.  To be fair, our van had tinted windows so it was much sexier.  Plus, in Europe this van looks normal, so at least we had that on our side!

Alright, I think you get the point.  Needless to say that this '6th child' fit in our pack like a charm.  I have many memories:

Learning to drive: Once you learn to maneuver this beast around, driving a "regular" car felt like a SmartCar.  I remember doing the "hand over hand" motion on a HUGE steering wheel.

Van Food.  Driving around europe on a budget, we used to talk about how much we HATED van food.  It literally was its own food group.  A giant plastic wheel with pretzels, nuts etc., and juice boxes (apple or orange-take your pick).

"Fig. A"

I distinctly remember opening my email while I was at university, and my mom had attached this photo.  Here's the story I wrote as I passed it on to all my close friends/fam who knew our family's relationship with VW's. (please note the size of the other cars in front to respect just how MASSIVE that fire was!).

"So, my little brother's band had their first gig about 2 hours away so of course helen volunteer's the meek family VW vanagon for the trip.  It's roomy, spacious and good on gas...really good...well, they get going and things are good.  The van is packed with 7 people, the band members, my mom, a kids parents and their instruments.  They start going up a hill about 1 hour out of town and the van slows down, so slow that it won't go at all...this doesn't really alarm the 2 meeks in the van because, hell we have lived with old vehicles...sometimes they just need a little break up those big hills.  Anyway, Helen decides to pull over to give the 'ol gal a breather, and took the opportunity to stretch their legs.  While doing so, they look over and find that the van is on fire!!!  The kids parents are freaking out and yelling, GET AWAY FROM THE VAN, and all the kids are sent barrelling into the ditch.  Then my mom yells, GET BACK TO THE VAN AND GET YOUR INSTRUMENTS!!!!  *of course helen would say that!  Anyway, 20 minutes passes and the fire continues.  A semi driver stops to try and extinguish it but with no luck!  Then my mom remembers she forgot her purse, so she runs back Rambo style and gets it.  As the blaze continues, the cops and the fire dept show up and CLOSE the entire highway for an hour and a half!  By this time the van is a litteral BALL OF FIRE!  The news stations all came and interviewed some people, and showed the van engulfed in flames with the door falling off....Classic meek family...and they STILL won't get a new car!"

I found this sticker and laughed out loud!  The veritable "kick me" sign of the automobile world.  We spent a lot of our time in Europe on the autobahn getting honked at.  The van doesn't go fast at the best of times, let alone when a ferrari or bmw was whizzing by at 95 mph!!  Here are a few others I found:

Throughout my 'research' to collect the photos above, I have stumbled upon some real innovation.  We’re not just talking a few racer stripes, and some shiney new rims.  Here are some creative ways people have tried to make their vanagons just that little bit cooler.

And my personal favorite.  The ULTIMATE pimp to his ride:

Alright, I think that I have pretty much summed up everything you could want or need to know about the Volkswagen family.  The truth of the matter is that despite the frustration, embarrassment and breakdowns, we have had a ton of fun over the years.  Plus, if we drove boring, brand new Lexus' around town, where would the character building be in that!?!  hahahahah.  I think each and every one of us have a little soft spot for the ol Volks, and here is a little shoutout to Gare for the MANY, MANY, MANY hours he has spent scouting out the sale, and fixing up those damn things!  We'll all continue to give you crap about them though, don't worry.

PS: This last bit is for my dad.  I think I may have found your heaven:

Also, I know you are still upset about the fireball that was your grey van...but maybe there's still hope.  Afterall, this one's still cruisin the strip?