Thursday, March 29, 2012

Clodhoppers-Pt 1

Being long-legged and big footed has its advantages, but unfortunately finding footwear for my unruly feet and toes requires detective-like search techniques to be utilized.

Chris and I are headed to the US in May and look forward to the land of big meals, big bodies and big malls to fulfill our every need.  Much to my sister Heidi's dismay, 3-4 days of our visit are spent shopping.  Not at a leisurely designer boutique where you are served tea and crumpets while you try things on, but rather hittin up every Ross, Nordstrom, Marshalls and 'discount barn' in the tri-county area.  Not only do I like a good bargain, but funds are tight, and I like to look at these outings as a sort of "amazing race"/treasure hunt to find what I need...I mean, want.

When it comes down to it however, I am relying to heavily on the serendipity of the situation, hoping that last pair of 'on sale' flats will be in my size.  I can't take those kinds of chances, especially because for some odd reason, everyone in this country seems to either have dwarf-sized feet, or practice Japanese foot binding to the extent that you can barely get anything past a ten.  To me, that's practically a toddler size, so I am forced to turn to the world-wide web for redemption.

Browsing along, there is not shortage of size 11.5 or 12's so I felt my heart race, and emotions run high as I wait for the page to load.  Amazon loads up with a particularly hideous breed of stripper shoe, and I am wondering if Amazon moonlights as the "erotic attic/drag queen warehouse".  Now no disrespect to any of the transsexuals who may be my loyal followers, but seriously?  This one is gold!:

Glad to see that they are taking these hard economic times to heart and offering the economical option for their customers:

Now if stripper shoes don't take your fancy, don't worry there is always a wide array of nude coloured sneakers with the built in perspiration holes if you are looking for the stabler, more comfortable fit.

GEEZ!!  Looks like for $174 dollars they are not even bothering putting heels on anymore:

Anyway, I will continue my hunt but for the meantime, even unsuccessfully it sure beats doing homework!


  1. I feel you sister! BTW, what days will you be in LA?

  2. I wonder how one walks in those last ones. BTW what ever happened to that shark post?

  3. fricken died at:

    "tri-state area". this never stops being funny.
    and erotic attic?! where do you come up with this stuff?!