Death by Fowl

They say that in Australia, there are more ways to die by an animal than any other country.  It is easy to see why when you take a quick gander onto this site.  You can probably guess how I have become so jumpy!  I have seen my fair share of cane toads, green tree frogs, cockroaches, spiders, lizards and geckos...but this next animal has caught me COMPLETELY by surprise. 

 

Pretty sure this pest belongs on the list!

 I can see you rolling your eyes, especially you Canadians who are used to this little fella:

 

This jovial and simple bird has a joyful song and at times gets confused thinking that it has found its life partner in a piece of tin foil gleaming in the sun.  Silly magpie.

Well the other day I got up early to go for a walk before work.  It was early, and I was tired, but it was a beautifully sunny day.  No more than 50 metres from my house I suddenly felt a breeze as I heard a "flap flap flap" and the gnashing of a beak in my ear.  

Don't be fooled, I did NOT look like the girl in the above photo.  I probably sounded like a cross between a cat being swung around by its tail and a tone deaf opera singer.  These 'sounds' (we'll call them for lack of a better word), were coming out my mouth at the exact time I was karate chopping the air.  I think I even got a high kick up in that routine.  It was the kind of fear where the subconscious took over, and probably made for one impeccable show should someone be peering out their window at that exact moment.  

Well what better than pure adrenaline to get your heart pumping, and that's exactly what it did.  For the rest of the walk I felt like I'd eaten a year's worth of halloween candy and a bottle of caffeine tablets.  The entire time I was on BIRD WATCH, and not the pleasurable kind.  I hate those birds!

 See informational clip below, and note the look in this little bastard's eye at mark 1:29....and Edgar Allan Poe was worried about a raven...

Quite frankly, I don't care where that instinct comes from...it's no excuse for him to start dive bombing my head when I'm trying my darnedest to stay active.   

 

Some people around town who ride their bike a lot find solace in the the"hedgehog-let"-a bike helmet with strategically placed zip ties to act as a variable 'bed of nails' for the swooping mongrel.

 

 They also say that a magpie won't swoop if you are looking at it, which I beg to differ, but in any case you could paste these to the back of your helmet:

I also like the homeade, eco-friendly version

 So what happens if none of these 'conventional' methods will stave off the angry beast.  I guess matters will have to be taken into mine own hands.  Here are a few of my brainstorming ideas:

 

Anyway, I think you get the point.

It didn't take a genius to harness the inspiration for this fascinator....